We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
