The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Randomize
