I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
