i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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