onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
