Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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