it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
