theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
