Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Randomize
