Just fell off a train. Bad.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
