Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
be right there i have to get my cape
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
