he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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