Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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