i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
