I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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