And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
