ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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