____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
