He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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