it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Mom said you looked used
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
