Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
