i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
