Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
