I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
