sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
