So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
