Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
