Quick, to the slutcave!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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