Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
