The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Randomize
