she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
