I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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