her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
