I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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