The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
