how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
