thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
