I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize