This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
