If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
