The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize