yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
