But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
