What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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