I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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