That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
