I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
