i'm signing you up for texting rehab
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
