There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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