Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
