UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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