So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
