Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
