She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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