Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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