I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
