On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
organizing the empties. That sober.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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