Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
