She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
