I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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