so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
