last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My dick has a subreddit
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
