So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I have aggressive nipples.
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