I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
