That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
