i think my tv is drunk
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
