Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize