You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
