So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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