I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
