Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
