If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
