Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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