I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
