i need an iv and a liver transplant
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
