great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
