Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
