I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
that may or may not have been my penis.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
