He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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