I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
