Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
