That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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