I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
