nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
