I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
two words...techno handjob
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
