3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
