I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Life is so much better after having sex.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
third nipple confirmed
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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