I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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