OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
