WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
