wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
