I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
