When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize