Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i drank out of a bidet.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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