Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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